Problems are only resolved when solutions are sought. Catherine Pulsife
The blog post below is meant as marriage advice, but I would offer that it applies to all relationships.
Think about the relationships in your life.
Which one might benefit from a change in perspective?
Make it a great day.
I sat patiently while a gal told me all the terrible things her husband was doing (and not doing). When she slowed and took a breath, I asked her if I could share a perspective. I think she was a bit taken aback (looking for commiseration?). I had something better for her… a new point of view.
When there’s a problem, don’t play the blame game. Team up instead. The blame game makes you helpless to change anything. (It’s all the other person’s fault.) It also makes your spouse the ultimate bad guy and very few people can handle that kind of treatment. Blaming leads to arguing and the arguing never ends.
If you invite your spouse to help you solve a problem (instead of making your spouse the problem) you are more likely to get their help. It’s far easier to be a part of the solution if you are not being blamed/shamed for being the bulk of the problem. And, truthfully, most problems are a result of a number of factors.
If you team up and brainstorm the bits, you’re more likely to hit on possible solutions, reduce the marital friction, and build a happier life together. The next time you find yourself muttering about your husband’s faults, see if you can move the problem off of him and make the problem a project the two of you can work on together.
Change “You’re always late!” to “Sunday mornings bum me out. Can you help me figure out how to make getting ready for church easier and more timely?”
Let “You spend money like water!” become “I’m worried about the state of our finances. Can we brainstorm ideas? Maybe take a Financial Peace University class (http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu )?”
Focus on fixing the problem, never focus on the blame.