Thanks to Chris for the email series over the last week or so. What a great group of lessons around what to expect from others and how to manage ourselves through that process to create less stress and more overall happiness for ourselves and others.

I have been listening to a book called “Focus” and he had an interesting quote from an economist from the 70’s who was forecasting the future of the “information age”.

“Information consumes attention, hence a wealth of information creates a poverty of attention.”

As I look around and see so many of us seemingly overwhelmed with business and a lack of time, I wonder if part of the cause is our lack of attention because of the overwhelming amount of information available to us.

We find time for FaceBox, Twitter, Pinterest, email and general internet surfing, consuming information at a record rate; but at what cost?

Are we failing to pay attention to those things that are really important?

We keep up with our FaceBox page/friends, but haven’t had dinner with that close friend for a year.

We are up to date on the latest hilarious YouTube video, but don’t know how our family is doing.

We just completed the latest Candy Crush level, but haven’t kept up with our health and fitness goals.

Since the tone of this is getting a little negative, let’s turn it around to the positive side.

How much could you accomplish if you focused on what is important?

Think of those priorities in your life that really get you excited and then focus your attention and efforts on them.

We all have 24 hours in a day. The wildly successful and the despondent and depressed. It is all in your attitude and how you spend those 24 hours.

Make it a great day.

Jake

7. Stop expecting them to be “OK.”

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle, just like you. Every smile or sign of strength hides an inner struggle every bit as complex and extraordinary as your own.

Remember that embracing your light doesn’t mean ignoring your dark. We are measured by our ability to overcome adversities and insecurities, not avoid them. Supporting, sharing and making contributions to other people is one of life’s greatest rewards. This happens naturally if we allow it, because we all share very similar dreams, needs and struggles. Once we accept this, the world then is a place where we can look someone else in the eye and say, “I’m lost and struggling at the moment,” and they can nod and say, “Me too,” and that’s OK. Because not being “OK” all the time, is perfectly OK.

People rarely behave exactly the way you want them to. Hope for the best, but expect less. And remember, the magnitude of your happiness will be directly proportional to your thoughts and how you choose to think about things. Even if a situation or relationship doesn’t work out at all, it’s still worth it if it made you feel something new, and if it taught you something new.

Yeah…I can’t add anything to that so I’m not even going to try.

Thanks for letting me guest host! Jake’s back tomorrow!

Chris Nichols

6. Stop expecting them to suddenly change.

If there’s a specific behavior someone you care about has that you’re hoping disappears over time, it probably won’t. If you really need them to change something, be honest and put all the cards on the table so this person knows how you feel and what you need them to do.

For the most part though, you can’t change people and you shouldn’t try. Either you accept who they are or you choose to live without them. It might sound harsh, but it’s not. When you try to change people, they often remain the same, but when you don’t try to change them – when you support them and allow them the freedom to be as they are – they gradually change in the most beautiful way. Because what really changes is the way you see them.

This ties in with #4 and #5. Enjoy others for who they are, but if there are issues, communicate! If someone is constantly doing something that bugs you but you never attempt to address it, it leads to greater stress for you, and it makes interacting with that person uncomfortable. You will find your attitude around that person to be less than productive and they won’t have any reason why. They will pick up on this and will start treating you differently as well. This is how situations escalate. We make up stories in our own heads to fill in the gaps that a simple conversation could have fixed.

Chris Nichols

5. Stop expecting them to know what you’re thinking.

People can’t read minds. They will never know how you feel unless you tell them. Your boss? Yeah, he doesn’t know you’re hoping for a promotion because you haven’t told him yet. That cute guy you haven’t talked to because you’re too shy? Yeah, you guessed it, he hasn’t given you the time of day simply because you haven’t given him the time of day either.

In life, you have to communicate with others regularly and effectively. And often, you have to open your vocal cords and speak the first words. You have to tell people what you’re thinking. It’s as simple as that.

One of the things we struggle with as an organization is communication and clarity. I don’t think you can ever stop practicing this. Poor communication and lack of clarity are two big reasons for misplaced expectations. I try never to assume. If you aren’t sure, ask!

Chris Nichols

JD – Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most. -Buddha

EB – Silence is a true friend who never betrays. – Confuscious

MS – Be like water, my friend. – Bruce Lee

JW – I will bend like a reed in the wind. – Paul Atredes

Some wisdom from Bruce Lee:

http://youtu.be/LTnSEFsInp0

Make it a great Saturday.

Jake

http://youtu.be/2H5uWRjFsGc

Obvious theme on this one.

“Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.” – George Patton

Make it a great day.

Jake

4. Stop expecting them to fit your idea of who they are.

Loving and respecting others means allowing them to be themselves. When you stop expecting people to be a certain way, you can begin to appreciate THEM.

Pay close attention, and respect people for who they are and not for who you want them to be. We don’t know most people half as well as we believe we do; and truly knowing someone is a big part of what makes them wonderful. Every human being is remarkable and beautiful; it just takes a patient set of eyes to see it. The more you get to know someone, the more you will be able to look beyond their appearance and see the beauty of who they truly are.

If everyone thought alike this world would be pretty boring. Being the overly analytical type it’s sometimes difficult and frustrating to work with people who are wired differently. Case in point, our CEO is a very emotional critter and drives me up the wall when I ask for information and get a book for a response when all I wanted was a sentence. When I shift my focus away from what I want, I find him enjoyable to be around and full of insights from a totally different perspective than mine. I grow as a person because of him, and reduce my stress level when I stop trying to squeeze him into a box I created.

Chris Nichols

3. Stop expecting (and needing) them to like you.

You might feel unwanted and unworthy to one person, but you are priceless to another. Don’t ever forget your worth. Spend time with those who value you. No matter how good you are to people, there will always be one negative person who criticizes you. Smile, ignore them, and carry on.

In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, the toughest battle you’ll ever have to fight is the battle to be yourself. And as you’re fighting back, not everyone will like you. Sometimes people will call you names because you’re “different.” But that’s perfectly OK. The things that make you different are the things that make YOU, and the right people will love you for it.

This one is hard because nothing can ruin your day like someone unloading critical nastiness at you when you are doing everything you can to help. I’ve heard “don’t take it personally” so much I want to scream. Always keep in mind that the person criticizing you in an unconstructive way is doing so to increase their own feeling of self-worth, albeit in the wrong way. If you remain confident in your abilities, knowledge, self you should let it roll off. Ignore the nasty, focus on the true bits of actual constructive feedback and use it to improve. Then go kick back some margaritas with people who love and respect you for you.

Chris Nichols

2. Stop expecting them to respect you more than you respect yourself.

True strength is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles. It’s about having faith and trust in who you are, and a willingness to act upon it. Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself.

Today, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love you, and from now on I’m going to act like it.” It’s important to be nice to others, but it’s even more important to be nice to yourself. When you practice self-love and self-respect, you give yourself the opportunity to be happy. When you are happy, you become a better friend, a better family member, and a better YOU.

It’s ok to focus on you first. Keeping your life in order and building yourself up improves your overall health and outlook which will then be reflected in how you present yourself to others. By making sure the internal “You” is happy, the external “You” will be better for it automatically.

Chris Nichols

While I am out for the next couple days (and for a couple days after that) Chris Nichols volunteered to write up a daily attitude series.

Thank you, Chris.

Hello everyone! I came across an excellent article written my Marc Chernoff at marcandangel.com called 7 Things You Should Stop Expecting from Others. I particularly like this article because my largest stressor is unreasonably high expectations for myself and others. These seven insights helped put things in a different perspective that helped me, and will hopefully be beneficial to you.

“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations
and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”
―Bruce Lee

The biggest disappointments in our lives are often the result of misplaced expectations. This is especially true when it comes to our relationships and interactions with others.

Tempering your expectations of other people will greatly reduce unnecessary frustration and suffering, in both your life and theirs, and help you refocus on the things that truly matter.

Which means it’s time to…

1. Stop expecting them to agree with you.

You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live a life you are excited about. Don’t let the opinions of others make you forget that. You are not in this world to live up to the expectations of others, nor should you feel that others are here to live up to yours. In fact, the more you approve of your own decisions in life, the less approval you need from everyone else.

You have to dare to be yourself, and follow you own intuition, however frightening or strange that may feel or prove to be. Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t get discouraged by their progress or success. Follow your own path and stay true to your own purpose. Success is ultimately about spending your life happily in your own way.

You need to like you for you. Stop trying to keep up with the Jonses. Once you are comfortable and confident in your own skin you will find that you stop reacting, and start living.

Chris Nichols